Money or happy? This is the question.

And I choose happy every single time. I wish I could find a way to have both, but it is not to be. So…when I talk about never being satisfied, that is the real issue. I have chosen a career that doesn’t pay.  Furthermore, my current career does not allow me to function at my highest potential nor does it allow me to have much of an impact on human welfare. So I have chosen law as a path towards satsifaction. Unfortunately, the people I want to serve with this future law degree do not have money to pay, so it won’t be a high paying career. I have no idea how I am going to make a living.

So what happens to me? I guess that is really what my family was asking yesterday. I am going to law school and will graduate with minimal debt thanks to a generous scholarship. I COULD take this awesome education and apply it towards making money. I am more than capable. But I don’t want it. Unless I am working to benefit children and/or otherwise needy adult populations, I will not be happy. And happiness is what I am looking for. Unfortunately, I still need to pay the bills. And I live in America, where money seems to be the force that motivates many people. So this is why I constantly feel like a fish out of water. Maybe I just haven’t met the right people.  Maybe law school will be the place to do that. In the meantime, I would live in a cardboard box if I thought it would allow me to truly serve a purpose in the world. It doesn’t seem to make any sense.  I need to have money in order to do any good to anybody. But despite being a hard-working person for all of my life, I have never chosen to make any. The thought of putting myself (and money) ahead of others makes me literally ill. I can’t do it. Not even for a day. So I ought to make one strange lawyer when all is said and done. But I can work half-time, go to school full-time, and raise three children. No problem. So long as that work involves helping others, I’m all good. I can live on a budget. I have managed it all my life. But clearly this is an unresolved issue, or I wouldn’t be writing about it. So I might as well work it out in cyberspace.