Balancing Acts

A working single mom attending law school

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The Mommy stuff

Posted by newlawmom on September 10, 2009

Or Ma, MAAAAA, mom, mum, or yo momma depending on the day, the child, and mood of everyone involved. I haven’t been around too much this week, and it is starting to show. Today between 4 and 6 my phone rang a total of 18 times. Of course, it was set to silent, so I only noticed those calls after the fact. All together, I spoke with the children three times. The first time – hey mom, when are you coming home? Second time – geez, mom, when are you going to get here? The third time – COME ON MAAAAA. You were late last night. We want you  home. And so it is the guilt is starting to set in.

It’s only a week. One week. My trial is this weekend and my brief is due early in the week. Actually, tonight is my last late night. But I pushed it too far. The kids are not happy. And I feel bad. So….I offered them the opportunity to attend the local big regional fair next Friday….let’s all skip school and go to the fair. Now I confess – that doesn’t look like responsible mommy behavior. But Friday is my day off and I can’t afford to take another. Would you believe my nine year old went off on me? Are you kidding? I’m not skipping school to go to a fair! That is wrong, school is important, blah blah blah. Yes, son. I agree. I’m glad you’ve been listening to me. But every once in  awhile, it is ok to take a day off. Somehow I need to get that message out there before I cause my kids to become workaholics.

But then there is the other side of that: I love my kids, but for this week I just want to be a workaholic. I don’t want to feel guilty, I want to do well. I want to do nothing but prepare for mock trial and moot court and law school. I want to do it all and I want my kids to just wait. Just be happy that they are fed, clothed, cared for, and entertained while I am away. Then, just when I get the kids settled into bed I get the call from my honey. Honey, I haven’t seen you all week. (I know. I’ve been busy.) This law school stuff is crazy. I can’t believe how much work is involved. (I know. But I love it and that is how I want to spend my time this week.) How about you take some time off tomorrow to go out for breakfast? (I don’t really have time to go out to breakfast. Actually, I think I would like to get up and work all day. I’m sorry honey, but I really don’t have any time to go out until next weekend.) Those are not the answers I actually gave, but the truth is I wish I did say those things. Because they are the truth. Instead I said something about how horrible it is that I don’t have enough time spend with him, school is demanding and difficult, and breakfast sounds great. Those things are true too. And that, my dear readers, is the nature of balancing law school, parenthood, and a relationship. For tonight, I am torn. And doing my best to accomodate everyone and everything, but nothing is being done as well as it could be done, which troubles me.  So….have a great night. Have a wonderful week. And wish me luck over the next few days. Thanks.

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2 Responses to “The Mommy stuff”

  1. annedemonium said

    I am also a mom in law school. My son is 6 and I am 33. I could not be more bored and less challenged. I love law. I love cracking the cases and being able to break them down. What I don’t like is listening to kids who have never paid taxes debate the finer points of stupid shit. Before law school I was a parallegal and an advocate. I’ve drafted all my own docs for my own family law related matters and argued before judges, and I win a good majority of the time. As a mom, I feel a tad isolated given that I have no childcare or interest in getting drunk with the kids in my section every thursday night. I’d rather be watching Shrek with my kid and eating chicken nuggets for the 4th time this week. I can’t go to study groups late at night or do group projects. I am in a special program for exceptional students and they gave me a 23 year old mentor who is single and her entire experience in the legal realm is a summer internship last summer that lasted a month.

    Please tell me this gets better? I have a blog about being a mom in law school too if you are interested:
    http://www.annedemonium.wordpress.com

    • newlawmom said

      I do not want to promise you it will get better. Most of what you say rings true. But my love of the law and the cracking of cases and the analysis and the hopes I have for the future (that include a law degree) have made it worth it for me to continue down this road. Bored? Well, sort of. But I will say the “unchallenged” aspect of things is likely to change. The challenge is not in the day to day work. The challenge is in pulling it all together in the end and then realizing that despite everything you believe about the world, it is possible to fail. And it is. (With failure being a relative thing) As far as the social aspect, it does not change. So . . . somehow that doesn’t sound too inspiring. And I am sorry about that. I actually love law, and law school is a means to an end for me.

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