So what have I learned after a year and a half of law school and one semester of evidence? That I know nothing. That no matter how much I know, there is more. That no matter how much I study, how hard I prepare, how many hours I devote, I will not or can not have the level of knowledge or competence that comes from experience. It simply is not possible. So, two days before my open book exam, I am unable to get a perfect score even using my outline and exceeding time limits. There is more. I am missing it. And I am scared, frustrated, angry, and unhappy. I am used to doing well. I am used to success. I am not used to this. I don’t want to get used to this. And I do not like it. Who the hell knows how I will do on this exam? Not me. I have no idea. Right now I feel like I deserve an F. Because if any of these hypothetical clients were relying on me to analyze their evidentiary issues, they would be investing their faith in the wrong person. So for today, I am going to hope this means I am doing well. Because last year I didn’t have these disastrous feelings and I did ok, with less effort and more worry. This year I have studied without any anxiety at all. It is simply the results of my studies that have me worried. I’m not looking at evidence tomorrow. I am done with it. I have reached my maximum evidentiary capacity. My brain is turning off. Good night.
Posts Tagged ‘frustration’
Posted by newlawmom on December 16, 2009
Posted by newlawmom on November 9, 2009
I have no idea what I am doing, but I sure am getting it done. Piece by little tiny piece. Task for today – figure out some amortization tables for a commercial real estate problem. That sounds simple enough. I’m sucking energy from the bottom today, so it’s not so easy. What I’m doing here, clearly, is procrastinating. Increments of what, you might ask. I have no idea. Boredom. Slavery. Drudgery. Boredom. repeat. I’ve had plenty of happy days lately but today is not one. I want a nap. I want a Carvel Banana Foster Dasher. Where the hell did that come from? Hmm. OK. So perhaps when I am done procrastinating on the internet I can go to Carvel’s and then come home and take a nap. Maybe after that I can calculate some amortization. Like dessert only backwards. Ask me why I choose to share these random musings? Because I am 100% certain my current mental state has something to do with law school in November. I want out. [Disclaimer: This is a momentary condition and has nothing to do with my true feelings on the matter.]