Balancing Acts

A working single mom attending law school

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Posts Tagged ‘Purpose’

Wednesday 1/21/09

Posted by newlawmom on January 21, 2009

Week 3 of the second semester of the first year of law school. How sweet. The problem is I am very far from being transformed into an attorney. I can’t even picture myself working as an attorney. When I look around my classroom I can’t picture most of them working as lawyers either. Contemplating summer work is difficult. I think my inability to believe the idea is interfering with my ability to get resumes in the mail. Tonight on the ride home I was sort of contemplating the places I might like to work. And law firms are not the answer. I think I would like to work in the legal department of a hospital, or more particularly, a mental health hospital. I wonder if they even have legal departments. If they don’t, they should. But I haven’t even inquired. So that is the task I am assigning to myself for this week: create my own list of ideal legal experiences and try to make one of them happen for this summer. While the idea of “trying out different things” that I talked about a few weeks ago makes some sense, it is not me. I have always devoted myself to the disabled and this is no time to stop.  A revelation for today. We shall see how long it lasts or where this road actually leads to. Guardian ad litem training is off for the time being due to events outside my control. I realize how much I was looking forward to that and need to find something to replace it with. The purpose of attending law school is to use my skills to help others – that is my purpose. I will not lose it along the way. Neither will I lose my desire to finish at the top of my class. On that note, I have met with two prof’s re: my exams and have a third appointment set up. Not to whine – just to understand and use this experience to improve next time.

On the homefront: sonny boy’s new fish had babies and ate them. This is not cool. We went out tonight and bought a “baby-saver” for the fish tank. I am learning more about fish than I ever needed to know. We also picked up five neons to go with the three mollies in the tank. PETCO promises if I can save the babies they will take them and adopt them out. This is encouraging.  I realize lately that the term adoption is not really meant to be interpreted as broadly as we apply it. If human babies are “adopted” and this is a lovely and beautiful thing that is meaningful and the equivalent of belonging to a family as if born there, we really need to think of a different term for cats and dogs and fish. Ditto for the words “foster home”. We need to afford a bit more dignity to our children than we do to our animals. And make no mistake – I am an animal lover. Children are not animals, and what works for the animals may not be adequate for the human beings we distribute to new homes without blinking. This is a problem.  Something needs to be done about it.  On the other hand, we shouldn’t be so quick to give up animals either. They are not objects. Just a thought.  If only the law was a solution – so far, it doesn’t look that easy. For the fish? Well, a trip to PETCO and a new tank beats being eaten by a big fish or flushed down the drain. So I guess adoption for fish is a positive outcome. I’ll try to remember that. I hope my readers have a lovely day. I can promise you that if a state worker showed up at your door and told you they had a new, safe, happy home for you  it wouldn’t be a happy day.

Posted in 1L, child welfare, foster care, law school, Law School Life, Parenthood, Purpose, trauma | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

So its Monday…

Posted by newlawmom on September 22, 2008

I had a great weekend. I was so happy just to spend time with my honey and get outside for awhile. I got bit by a bee. That didn’t make me too happy. But other than that I left for school in a positive mood. I got there on time, maximized my time while I was there, and left a full eight hours later. Perfect as far as time goes. Tonight I spent some time with the kids and visiting some adult friends for awhile. Now it is time to get to work. I feel rested, prepared, and happy. Not a bad place to be right now. I miss my other child. I’m at law school because of him and that helps. The writing contest I will do will be a fitting tribute to his situation, although I value anonymity more than I value sharing the specifics here. The fact is researching and writing this particular paper will feel good. It will bring purpose to what feels like some bare minimum required legal learning. I am definately interested in learning the bare minimum legal learning that is being presented. But it doesn’t feel quite like I’m effecting my purpose while I’m doing it. I need purpose every day or I feel lost. So…my new motivation for completing my reading, notes, and outlining is that I can work on my paper after I’m done. A good reason to get off my wordpress blog and move on to studying for the evening. I hope all my readers have a lovely day and have a purpose of their own to fulfill each day. Enjoy.

Posted in Child Welfare Issues, Law School Life, Parenthood, Purpose | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Money or happy? This is the question.

Posted by newlawmom on July 5, 2008

And I choose happy every single time. I wish I could find a way to have both, but it is not to be. So…when I talk about never being satisfied, that is the real issue. I have chosen a career that doesn’t pay.  Furthermore, my current career does not allow me to function at my highest potential nor does it allow me to have much of an impact on human welfare. So I have chosen law as a path towards satsifaction. Unfortunately, the people I want to serve with this future law degree do not have money to pay, so it won’t be a high paying career. I have no idea how I am going to make a living.

So what happens to me? I guess that is really what my family was asking yesterday. I am going to law school and will graduate with minimal debt thanks to a generous scholarship. I COULD take this awesome education and apply it towards making money. I am more than capable. But I don’t want it. Unless I am working to benefit children and/or otherwise needy adult populations, I will not be happy. And happiness is what I am looking for. Unfortunately, I still need to pay the bills. And I live in America, where money seems to be the force that motivates many people. So this is why I constantly feel like a fish out of water. Maybe I just haven’t met the right people.  Maybe law school will be the place to do that. In the meantime, I would live in a cardboard box if I thought it would allow me to truly serve a purpose in the world. It doesn’t seem to make any sense.  I need to have money in order to do any good to anybody. But despite being a hard-working person for all of my life, I have never chosen to make any. The thought of putting myself (and money) ahead of others makes me literally ill. I can’t do it. Not even for a day. So I ought to make one strange lawyer when all is said and done. But I can work half-time, go to school full-time, and raise three children. No problem. So long as that work involves helping others, I’m all good. I can live on a budget. I have managed it all my life. But clearly this is an unresolved issue, or I wouldn’t be writing about it. So I might as well work it out in cyberspace.

Posted in Child Welfare Issues, Law School Life, Parenthood, Purpose | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »