Balancing Acts

A working single mom attending law school

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Posts Tagged ‘stress’

OId habits die hard

Posted by newlawmom on June 23, 2011

I am a procrastinator. I am a night owl. I am a smoker. I am bad with money. These are my weak points. Maybe I am prone to short term addictions as well – right now, its the Anthony trial. These are all time and money wasters. They bring large amounts of anxiety into my life. They don’t help me. I have tried to overcome all of these problems at one time or another. I would like to just eliminate all my problems all at once. My life would be better for it, or so I think. The list looks pretty manageable but it’s been the same list for at least thirty years. So I must be missing something. I just want to fix the problems.

I have very good things in my life right now. Happy, healthy children. A future spouse who loves me. A beautiful home. An education. People who respect me. And for now, my own health. There are no impending catastrophes, no drama. If there is a time where I have all the support I need to fix my problems, this is it. So why is it  that I am scared shitless to even try? I am immobilized by the thought of it.

The bar exam is simple. Sit. Study. Repeat. But it would be so nice if at the end of the day I felt good about myself. So that is my current project. I need to move some money, set a budget, give up the smokes, and adopt a normal schedule. If I did all of those things I would start fresh and maybe have less reason to procrastinate. This has got to be my main goal for the summer. It simply must.



Posted in Bar Exam, Bar Exam Prep, night owl, Purpose, summer | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The end is near

Posted by newlawmom on October 28, 2010

Tomorrow I register for my last semester of law school. The best news of all is that I only need eleven credits to graduate and seven of those are going to consist of an externship and moot court credits that I have already earned. That means I only need to take 4 credits worth of classes. It is really hard to believe, but I am glad to see the end in sight. This semester has been really bad for me. I just want to get through it at this point. I am taking six classes, with a total of four exams and two papers. One substantial paper is half done and one has not been started yet. There are only five more weeks of classes, so it is time to prepare. Everyone at my house is basically avoiding me right now because I have been more than a little bit crabby. I can’t help it. I just want to be left alone. It is really sad that after getting this far I feel so overwhelmed by the entire project. I know it will be worth it when its over, and I know when I look back on it I will be happy with achieving it at all, but I had higher expectations for myself all the way around. When law school meets single mom with three kids, a man friend, a job, and a mother who so tragically gets sick and dies between April and September, it is not a pretty sight. I do not recommend it to anyone. Law school does not bend, even though everyone at school has been extremely kind. Right now, I need to put blinders on and ignore the world. That means that anyone who disturbs me is asking for trouble. The level of stress in my life is off the charts, and all my enjoyment of law school is gone. I want nothing more than to be done. So wish me luck with that. I’ll take support from my anonymous non-trad cyber students because there is nobody in my real world who actually gets it.

Posted in 3L, law school | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »